


Consideration 4

by Grey (grey853)



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Series: Consideration, h/c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 04:30:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grey853/pseuds/Grey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim confesses his greatest fears of losing his guide while Blair still recovers from his traumatic brain injury.<br/>This story is a sequel to Consideration 3.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Consideration 4

## Consideration 4

by Grey

Author's webpage: <http://grey.ravenshadow.net/>

* * *

Retching sounds signaled another round of dry heaves. Standing guard at his best friend's hospital bed, Jim Ellison's stomach clinched in sympathetic pain. Jesus, couldn't his friend ever get a break? With a warm, damp cloth he tenderly wiped Blair's forehead, and waited until the spasms passed. 

"Any better, Chief?" 

"Not much." Clutching the emesis bowl, Blair lay curled with legs pulled up to lessen the pain of strained stomach muscles. "In fact, worse." 

"Why worse?" 

"At least when I was puking before, I didn't half know what was going on, didn't remember it. Now, I do. Man, this really sucks big time." 

"Yeah, I know. Want me to get the nurse? It's almost time for another shot of phenergan. That'll help with the nausea. Maybe help you rest for awhile, too." 

"Okay. I mean, my ass is so bruised and sore now, one more jab won't make much difference." 

Leaning over, Jim kissed his partner's rough cheek. "Be right back, Chief." 

Blair closed his eyes and gritted his teeth as another wave of spin the Hairboy took him for a ride. 

Out in the hallway, Jim talked briefly to the nurse and turned to find Simon Banks behind him. 

"Hey, Jim." Seeing his exhausted friend's slow response worried him. "Jesus, you look pretty much like shit. Bad night? 

"Not good." 

He placed a hand on his best detective's shoulder and then ordered, "Come on. We're going for coffee." 

"I need to get back. He's been sick." 

"The nurse is with him. Besides, you need a break. Won't do the kid any good if you end up in the hospital bed, too." 

Jim smiled slyly and teased, "That's an idea, Simon. Maybe I'll try that." 

Realizing what he'd said, Banks blushed, "Oh, man, stop that. I just meant that you've got to take care of yourself, too. I know how you are. You'll keep going until you drop. Then what's going to happen? He's going to need you when he gets out of here." 

Totally dejected, Jim nodded. "You're right, Simon. It's just so damn hard to leave him. He's so miserable right now." 

"He's not the only one. Come on. We'll only be a few minutes. Tell the nurse where you'll be, and we'll go." 

* * *

Sitting across from one another in the cafeteria, Simon watched his haggard friend sipping coffee with the slow movements of extreme fatigue. He needed a shave, sleep, food, and generally a break from the hardship of watching the man he loved suffer. The Captain didn't envy him one bit. 

"Jim, have you managed to get any sleep at all since this all started?" 

"Don't worry about me, sir. I'll be fine. It's Blair I'm worried about." 

"I thought you said he was better." 

"He was. The last scan showed minimal swelling, the confusion and vertigo were gone, and there hadn't been a seizure in 5 days. Hell, even his headache was better." 

"So what happened?" 

"They started him on oral meds, something called Primidone. He started throwing up a couple of hours after he took it. That's bad enough, but then they have to give him shots to control the nausea. It's almost like the cure was worse then the injury." 

"That's not true and you know it. It could've been a lot worse. He could've needed surgery, or heaven forbid, he could've died." 

His words struggled against a choking wetness. "I know, Simon. It's just that I want this whole nightmare over with. I want my Blair back well and whole. I hate seeing him sick like this. The medicine's supposed to help, not make him feel almost as bad as before." 

"Can't the doctor just give him something else?" 

Jim grimaced as he drank more of the bitter liquid. "She said it was a common side effect and that he'd probably adjust in a couple of weeks." Jaw clenched, he barely controlled his frustration. "It's not even a consideration to change it before then. Said the other drugs weren't as effective and could even make him feel worse." 

"I'm sorry, Jim, but maybe he'll get used to it sooner than that. Besides, there's not a lot of choice. I mean, he can't afford to risk having seizures." 

"Yeah, but we know it was a traumatic response. Now that the edema's gone, the risk of seizure is a lot less." 

"But the risk's not gone even if the swelling is, Jim. It's going to take time to see if the damage is permanent." 

Finishing off the coffee, Jim slammed the cup flat with both hands. "I know that, Simon. I know." 

Dizzy with his own anger, he tried mastering the calming breaths, just like Blair taught him. He controlled himself before he spoke again. "I'm sorry, Simon." 

"It's okay, Jim. I understand." 

"It's just so damn hard sitting there and feeling so absolutely fucking useless. I can't seem to help him no matter what I do." 

"You help him by just being there." 

"God, I've got to tell you, Simon, this has been one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. Nothing I've ever done compares to it. But I have learned one thing from this whole thing." 

"What's that?" 

"Blair means more to me than my own life." 

"You just figuring that out? Hell, I could've told you that ages ago, even before you told me about the two of you being together." 

"Well, sir, I guess that's why you're the captain and I'm not." 

"Damn straight." 

"Well, not exactly, but I get your point." 

Obviously flustered, Simon sputtered, "I swear, Ellison, you're getting as bad as Sandburg." 

"Nope, I'm worse." 

"I'm beginning to realize that. Now, I suppose you'd better get on back up there and take care of that man of yours before you embarrass me again." 

"Thanks, Simon." 

"For what? 

"I think it's called comic relief." 

"Get out of my face, Ellison. Tell Sandburg I'll come back tonight if he's up to seeing someone prettier than his old man." 

"He's mine, sir. You make a play and you'd better not sleep without your gun." 

The mixed tone of tease and truth quickly sent Simon Banks on his way. He wondered mildly to himself if he'd ever manage to adjust to Jim Ellison, chameleon cop of the nineties. 

* * *

"But, Jim, this is so not fair. I'm a grown man." 

"Nobody said you weren't, Chief." 

"Then why is everybody treating me like a child? I hate this shit. I really do. I just want to go home." Blair Sandburg slammed a useless fist into crumpled sheets. 

"I know you do. Be patient, babe. It won't be long now." Taking in a long-suffering breath, trying to maintain a voice of calm, Jim continued. "Listen, buddy, I know you're frustrated. You've been through a lot." 

"Why can't I go home?" 

"You know why. They want to do at least one more scan and be sure that the medication for the seizures is working." 

"Oh, yeah, it's working all right, enough to make me feel like puking half the time. Man, I was feeling so much better. Everything felt like it was on line again, and then they started with these pills. Now I feel like shit all over. I hate taking them." 

"Maybe if the scan comes back clear, you can talk to the doctor again." 

"How many fucking times do they have to take the same damn picture, man?" Feeling totally defeated, he barely held back tears. Eyes filled with needle stings, he turned his face away from his best friend, embarrassed by his lack of control. 

A solid hand touched his shoulder, rubbing a wonderful fire to melt his tight frustration. "Blair, I know you hate it here. I do, too. But, it shouldn't be much longer. You've done great this whole week." 

The feathery touch of warm breath danced to the comforting rhythm of his partner's words. He turned back around. Closing his eyes, rebel tears dampened his cheeks. "I'm so glad you're here, Jim. I know it's selfish. You should be out working, doing something more important than just sitting around watching me be so totally fucked up." 

Soft Sentinel lips brushed down his unshaven jaw, tickling the slightly fevered chin. "I'm the one who's selfish, Chief. I can't leave you, not now, not ever. There's nothing and no one more important than you in my life." 

"Man, I never knew you were such a romantic, Jim." 

"It's not a matter of romance, though that's great, too. It's a matter of truth. Waiting when they take you away for those tests is agony. If there were any way I could, I'd take it all on myself. I'd do every x-ray, take every shot, endure every god awful torture they've inflicted on you." 

Taking Jim's hand, his voice tender, Blair whispered, "I know you would, love." 

His words choked with the wetness of painful relief. He rocked his forehead against the soft cushion of his guide. "God, Blair, do you have any idea of how scared I've been?" 

Touched by confession, he urged, "Tell me." 

"First I was terrified of your dying." 

"Was I that close?" He felt the slightest nod against his shoulder, Jim's head still nestled there. He scolded gently, "You never told me. Why didn't you say something?" 

"I couldn't. I guess somehow by saying it, I would've made it even more real, more scary. I could barely keep myself together as it was." 

Blair petted the back of Jim's neck as he cooed reassurance. "I'm so sorry, love. I wished you'd told me. I might have been able to help." 

Jim shifted to gaze directly into magical blue eyes. "You were too sick, Blair. You don't remember, but at one point when the seizures first started, your breathing and heartbeat stopped. Your heartbeat, Chief. My beacon. For a moment the absolute silence paralyzed me. God, I was so alone." 

"You're not alone now, Jim. Never again." 

"God, Blair, I want our heartbeats to match for eternity." 

Raising Jim's unsteady hand, he kissed it and it teased it with his cheek. Then with precision, he slipped it up and under his gown. He pressed the open palm against his heart. "Touch it, hear it. Take it all in. Eternity starts here for both of us, Jim, skin to skin." 

Still holding Jim's branding touch to his chest, he continued in ultra soft tones. "Tell me what else you feared." 

"You couldn't remember. Every time you woke up, you forgot what happened before. Dozens of times it happened and every time, it was ice water flooding all over my body. You were so easily confused, I could hardly stand it. My brilliant, beautiful man, unable to remember the simplest thing. 

"Brilliant?" 

"I love your mind, Blair. I always have." 

"And my body?" 

"Oh, definitely that, too. But your mind is so incredible, Chief. You know so many things and think so fast, it dazzles me. It makes me so proud I could just spit gold stars when you put on one of your whirlwind Sandburg specials." 

"One of my what?" 

"You know, when out of nowhere you come up with some outlandish connection that no one else could make. I just sit back, cross my arms and smile. It's one of the ways you've made my life so incredibly rich." 

Blushing all the way to his ear tips, Blair smiled shyly. "So, it's my mind that first attracted you, eh?" 

"That and your mighty fine ass." 

"Man, you are like so bad." 

"Wait until I get you home, Chief, and I'll define the word for you." 

Slowly, he reached over, stroked the silky dark curls. Then ever so carefully the sentinel kissed his best guide. Hungry tongues wrestled, drenched in a wet heat. His other hand traveled slowly south until it found the half-aroused cock. Soon, Blair found himself hard and pumping into a heated grip. 

Groaning, he forced his head back from bruised lips. "Jesus, Jim, if you don't stop, you're going to have to explain some very suspicious stains to Nurse Watson at the desk." 

Still stroking, but more slowly, Jim just chuckled deep in his throat, "I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time, Babe. Come for me. You know it feels so good now. I just want you to feel better." 

"Oh, man, I do, but you've got to stop. I don't want my first time with you like this." 

Understanding, he nodded as he reluctantly removed his hand, but then brought Blair's face next to his. Diving in for another deep kiss, the sentinel's tongue plunged and probed the fruits of a delicious mouth. An exotic splash of jungle orange mixed with faint salt cauterized his mind. 

Breaking away, Blair gasped for breath before he could finally speak. "Jesus, Jim. I'm glad they took that heart monitor off, or we'd have the code blue team in here stat." 

"That might not be all bad. I might need a jump start myself." 

Feeling better than he'd felt all week, Blair laughed quietly. "Maybe we should stop by medical supplies and get one for the loft just in case." 

"While we're at it, let's get some hospital gowns, too." 

"Man, no way. I hate these things. My ass is always hanging out in the breeze." 

"Works for me, Chief." 

Recognizing a hungry panther when he saw one, Blair nodded. "You betcha, Big Guy. Now, how about a little snuggle?" 

"I'd thought you'd never ask." The sentinel drew Blair up close and tight, so near to his heart that he could breathe to the rhythm of eternity. 

The End 


End file.
